Saturday, November 04, 2006
It's Valentine's Day: Swing for the Fences
(Written Tuesday, February 14, 2006)
It's that time of the year again.
February the 14th: The day that peer pressure, lust, capitalism and fear will manifest society into a public orgy of misplaced affection. Our yearlong yearning for closeness and companionship will erupt like fire and ash spewing into the air from Mt. Saint Helens.
And that's on a good night.
For those of us who shy from the rigors of relationship-ism, Valentine's Day marks the coming of a golden opportunity: to eat caviar when all we can afford is potato skins. You know, to drive a Mercedes instead of the minivan. A 24-hour period when loneliness and isolation lift each of us up a few notches on the social ladder.
The days leading up to this year's dreaded Tuesday were hell for many people. Couples began looking pretentious, every hand-held step a torturous stomp on the sidewalk of many a self confidence.
But that can all change with one lucky swing.
Is that cute co-ed sitting alone in front of the library? Does that coffee-making boy look sadder than usual today? Step up to the plate you sex-starved drifters! It's time to start a new relationship with someone who wouldn't normally even look at you.
For every sucker buying diamond bracelets in accordance with the bi-yearly contract that is marriage, there are 10 dudes wasting their time playing X-Box and getting wasted by themselves tonight.
Equally as alluring are the millions of single women nationwide who sit at home watching Sex and the City while their friends prostitute themselves in the name of tradition.
So take it upon yourself today, single friends. There's a world of loneliness out there this time of year that makes you look a lot more presentable. Go ahead; ask her what she's reading. Ask him how he gets his hair so shiny and smooth.
You've got nothing to lose. And a lot more to offer than you might realize.
It's that time of the year again.
February the 14th: The day that peer pressure, lust, capitalism and fear will manifest society into a public orgy of misplaced affection. Our yearlong yearning for closeness and companionship will erupt like fire and ash spewing into the air from Mt. Saint Helens.
And that's on a good night.
For those of us who shy from the rigors of relationship-ism, Valentine's Day marks the coming of a golden opportunity: to eat caviar when all we can afford is potato skins. You know, to drive a Mercedes instead of the minivan. A 24-hour period when loneliness and isolation lift each of us up a few notches on the social ladder.
The days leading up to this year's dreaded Tuesday were hell for many people. Couples began looking pretentious, every hand-held step a torturous stomp on the sidewalk of many a self confidence.
But that can all change with one lucky swing.
Is that cute co-ed sitting alone in front of the library? Does that coffee-making boy look sadder than usual today? Step up to the plate you sex-starved drifters! It's time to start a new relationship with someone who wouldn't normally even look at you.
For every sucker buying diamond bracelets in accordance with the bi-yearly contract that is marriage, there are 10 dudes wasting their time playing X-Box and getting wasted by themselves tonight.
Equally as alluring are the millions of single women nationwide who sit at home watching Sex and the City while their friends prostitute themselves in the name of tradition.
So take it upon yourself today, single friends. There's a world of loneliness out there this time of year that makes you look a lot more presentable. Go ahead; ask her what she's reading. Ask him how he gets his hair so shiny and smooth.
You've got nothing to lose. And a lot more to offer than you might realize.
# posted by PASStheTEA_B @ 3:40 PM 
